Sleep Training is AMAZING

Tonight, my son, who has woken up several times a night and required exhausting pre-bedtime rituals for 14 months has officially slept through the night for THREE NIGHTS IN A ROW!!!!

And guess what he did this evening? You'll never believe it. We went through the normal bedtime routine, I put him in his crib, he sat up and watched me leave... and then DIDN'T CRY!! He must have layed right down, snuggled in, and fallen asleep! With no tears! Oh my gosh. You can probably tell by the excessive amount of exclamation points I'm using, but I could not be happier.

I will never take sleep for granted again. These past few days have been heavenly.

Sleep Training Sucks

Cry it out? Can't do it. Or can I...???

For 13 months, I have been firm in my resolve to not let my baby cry himself to sleep. Doesn't it seem horribly cruel? Yes. But does it work...?? Until now, my answer has been- I don't care! Even if it works, is it worth it?

However. Isaac is now a 30 pound 13 1/2 month old. Our bedtime routine up until now has been to take a bath, get into jammies, read books in the rocking chair, turn on a lullaby mix, and then Mommy walks, bounces, jiggles, runs, and jumps Isaac to sleep. (I only go through this rigamarole because he won't let me rock him. Rocking hasn't worked for months. Bouncing around the room like a crazy person has.) Up until 3 weeks ago, it was working. I only had to do the walking/bouncing/jiggling/running/jumping for 2-4 minutes before Isaac was drowsy enough to put in his crib without screaming to get out again. Then something changed and nothing I did was working. I am pretty darn strong by now (if I do say so myself), but I can no longer hold a 30 lb baby for an hour while walking/running. Something has to change.

My first idea was to sit in his room until he fell asleep. So he can learn to self-soothe but not feel abandoned. Perfect compromise, right? No. I sat silently in the rocking chair across the room and he did every silly thing he could think of in the crib. Bouncing on his knees, smashing his face into the rails, saying "Ah! AH! Ah? Ahhhhh????" I could see this was not leading us in the right direction.

The next night I tried a slightly later bedtime. I prayed that this would be enough and I wouldn't have to change anything else (for now, anyway). WRONG. After going through our routine only to deal with a wild baby arm honking my nose and grabbing my hair and doing any and everything else possible to keep himself awake, I put him in his crib and left.

Baby screams. Mommy's heart breaks. Daddy soothes Mommy. Mommy goes in to soothe baby. Leaves. Baby screams. Mommy's heart breaks... rinse and repeat.

Despite the broken heart, it's actually going fairly well. I'm doing a modified version of Ferber's approach; baby cries for set time, I go in and reassure him. (I don't let myself pick him up... I put a hand on his back or hold his little hand) If I think he'll fall asleep, I stay with him for awhile. If it's clear he's not going to fall asleep, I leave again and let him cry a few minutes longer than last time. Go in, touch him... repeat until he's asleep. So far each night it has taken under an hour (!!) and my arm muscles are thanking me for this new plan.

Tonight we try this approach during the night time wakings, too. It's time to get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time...

Convincing Myself

A few days ago I received mail with this letterhead:

School is starting! Crack open that crisp new planner! Log into district e-mail! Prepare your hands for constant washing/santizing!

I should start by saying that I do love my job AND I'm only going to be working three days a week this year instead of five. (I'm hoping for the perfect mix of home/work life, grown-up time and baby time, paperwork and housework...)

But.

This means it's official! Summer is over! Isaac's second summer ever! Gone! Just like that. So in order to feel a little less melancholy and panicky about it all, I've decided to list some of the things I love about fall. Because I do love fall.

* The way the sky becomes slate blue and looks lower, almost, against the autumn leaves

* Hoodies!

* Bonfires

* Actually being able to breathe when you get in a car that's been sitting outside for any period of time.

* Open windows

* That fall smell. You know the one.

* Pumpkin everything

* Cool nights and crunchy leaves

* Fall's seasonal beers

* That new-school-year tingle. This year I'll be an even better teacher! The sky is the limit! Go me! (Until the darn paperwork starts piling up…)

* Our TV shows come back on!

* Lazy football Sundays

Okay Fall, I'm ready. Bring it on!

His Turn

Before Jonathan read my last post, I asked him what he remembered most about Isaac's hospital stay. He talked, I transcribed, so these are his words:

I remember:

* the waiting room.

* that we got to know a lot of people really fast.

* I got a work call and wondered "Why am I answering this?"

* thinking we were taking a lot of pictures, but looking back on it, I wish we would have taken more.

* changing Isaac's diaper for the first time. Black poo.

* going to Subway and also McDonalds. Remember? We went driving around and couldn't find a restaurant, so we sat in the parking lot at McDonalds. I had to calm you down.

[We had a side bar here. After a brief discussion, we figured out it was actually the previous night that he had to "calm me down." That was the night that Lexie had spent much of the night with Isaac and I was so scared that she would change her mind and it would be all over.]

* when we stayed at the hospital you were always at the ready when he cried. I was in a fog and would wake up when you woke up but had no idea what had to be done or why I was being woken up at two in the morning. Then the sudden realization that this is going to be the way it is for a long time.

* leaving the hospital. I think I was probably the most emotional person there.

* I was glad I didn't know how bad the c-section was. And then I found out later that you had been nervous. Ignorance is bliss.

* Picking out his name last minute. We saw him and thought, he's born now, he needs a name. We picked it in the NICU waiting room.

A Family of Three

July 23, 2010, my heart was in my throat as we said goodbye to Isaac's birth family and drove away from the hospital as a family of three. Today, he's sitting in his high chair, gobbling up fajita meat, pointing at Cody and saying "Gog." How in the world did we get from there to here so quickly?!

Because Isaac joined our family in such a whirlwind-ish manner, I never sat down and recorded all the details that made his birth and hospital stay so unforgettable. This post gives the nuts and bolts, but doesn't even begin to describe what it was really like.

Now seems the perfect time.

(Disclaimer: this walk down memory lane is very, very long. It was fun for me to write, but probably not as fun for you to read, so if you don't make it all the way through, I completely understand.)

I remember:

* pulling into the hospital parking lot and seeing Lexie's parents walking outside. They were holding hands and everything about them said, "Whatever this day brings, we will get through it together."

* rounding the corner into Lexie's room and seeing her standing there in her dressing gown, looking much, much more pregnant than she had just a few days before.

* Jonathan making lots and lots of trips to the coffee machine.

* Lexie's blue lips and violent shivers from the epidural. I felt helpless and awkward and so sorry that she was uncomfortable.

* every inch of the waiting room.

* ordering pizza to share with Lexie's parents and grandparents. Labor had slowed and we weren't sure when the little guy was going to come out. Turns out we ate as Lexie was having her emergency c-section.

* losing my appetite and getting a sick feeling in my stomach as I watched the clock. The doctor had said the c-section would take 20 minutes. Why had it already been 40?

* walking to the nurse's station to ask for an update. They stopped talking when I approached. They told me that the baby was "out," but they seemed reserved and told me no more.

* the sinking feeling when the nurse came in and said there were complications and the baby was in the NICU. When I asked if he was all right, she hesitated and said, "I will let the doctor explain."

* pacing the hallway in the NICU as the nurses tried for 45 minutes to find a vein they could use to replenish his fluids. The huge wave of relief when their "one last try" actually worked.

* seeing another family with blankets and pillows camped out in the NICU waiting room. It looked like they were old pros. My heart broke for them.

* the nurse asking me what formula we were planning to give him. Uhhhh. Hadn't thought about that. She recommended Enfamil or Similac. I said, if it's all the same, how about Enfamil since we have coupons for it at home.

* a nurse stopping by to admire Isaac and asking me his name. There is something special about the first time you tell your child's name to someone. It's real now. He's here and he has this name that we gave him.

* holding my son (my son!) until midnight and making the very difficult decision to go home and get some sleep while he was being extremely well cared for by the NICU nurses.

* stopping at Cub foods on the way to the hospital (what else is open at 5:30 in the morning?) and wondering, what do you get for the woman who has just spent an entire day in unspeakable pain, birthing your child?

* Lexie, in her wheelchair, holding Isaac for the first time. I knew right then that I not only loved him, but her too.

* waiting and waiting and waiting for Isaac to pee for the first time. He waited until the very end of the "normal range" they gave us.

* thinking that the hospital should use better fabric softener for their baby blankets.

* having to request a pacifier. (I thought they just gave you those greenish newborn ones...) The nurse brought out a Nuk brand pacifier, still in it's plastic and cardboard packaging from the store. We've been single-handedly supporting that company ever since.

* wondering whether we should refer to the baby as "Isaac" (the name we chose for him) or "Jacob" (the name Lexie gave him). We couldn't decide, so Isaac was "him," "the baby," "the little guy," etc. for three days. =)

* one time in particular when Lexie and I were alone in the hospital room for awhile. That was a special hour for me; I felt like I was really beginning to get to know her.

* driving alone to the hospital one morning (Jonathan went back to work so he could save his time off for when we were home) and pulling over on a dirt road between two corn fields because I felt like I was going to throw up. Even though I felt like I was coping well with the stress and excitement, my body gave me away.

* trying to go out to eat somewhere during Isaac's last night in the hospital. We wanted to give Lexie some time alone with him before he spent the night with us. However, it was late, and the only places open were bars that didn't serve food! We ended up sitting in a dark parking lot eating McDonald's and killing time.

* sitting down in the room the hospital let us use on Isaac's last night, looking at him all swaddled up and asleep in his bassinet, and wondering.... now what? We mostly just stared at him.

* "waking up" (only I don't think I was ever asleep) every 10 minutes or so to make sure the swaddle hadn't come loose and suffocated him.

* Jonathan and I waking up the next morning with the same heavy feeling in the pit of our stomach. Time for Isaac to go home. Our happiest day was going to be one of Lexie's saddest.

* going to Target because we forgot to bring clothes to take the baby home in!! It suddenly occurred to me that he can't go in the car seat swaddled and I don't think he should just wear the diaper and cotton shirts he's lived in for the past three days... I felt like such an idiot.

* tears, tears, and more tears as Lexie said good-bye and left the hospital. It was as heartbreaking as we had imagined. How could we take Isaac away from the one person who had loved and taken care of him for over 9 months?

* how Isaac's eyes grew ten sizes larger as we brought him into the great outdoors for the first time and loaded him into the car. He had this look on his face like "What. The. Hell."

* saying to Jonathan as we drove home, "So. There's a baby in our car..."

One Year Ago

One year ago today, Jonathan and I innocently thought we were headed north for a plain old camping trip. We had no clue that our lives were about about to change forever. (Yes, I know that sounds dramatic, but yes, it WAS dramatic!)

It was probably around 10 or 11 am when my phone rang and our adoption counselor said "You're going to want to pull over..."

What do I remember about that day? I remember the parking space we chose at the gas station we stopped at while I spoke with our adoption counselor. I remember the numb, tamped-down excitement, out-of-body feeling I had when we told our friends why we weren't setting up our tent. I remember standing on the lakeside trail, dialing Lexie's number for the first time. I remember Jonathan pacing back and forth on the dock, calling his mom with the news. I remember watching a little family flip their canoe and fall in the lake while we were standing there, taking turns calling our parents. I remember thinking, "Pay attention to everything, because this could be the beginning of your baby's adoption story." And it was.

These past few weeks have left me feeling very sentimental as Isaac's one year birthday approaches. Please forgive me if the next few posts are particularly sappy.

UP, here we come!

Two days after school was out, we packed up the car until it was bursting at the seams and headed to Upper Michigan for 7 days! It was a wonderful week filled with family, friends, and Lake Superior. I'll let the pictures do the talking...

A picnic at the park while Grandma and Grandpa are stuck at work

What? These CDs were here, I swear.

Family picture. Isaac was too fascinated by the sand to be bothered with pictures.

Grandma, you are so funny!

First time in Lake Superior!

Ooooooohhh! SAND!

I think he likes the view.

Napping peacefully in the tent.

Hanging out with Uncle Marc!

Who wants a kiss?

Playing with Anders, Kenzie, and Auntie Melissa! Miss you guys!

Kenzie enjoying her much-anticipated s'more!

An attempt at a picture of the kiddos

And another...

And another. (Don't worry, Isaac didn't fall off the swing.)

Sweet boy, tuckered out.

Visits With Isaac's Birth Family

First visit: Photo shoot

Isaac's godmother and one of my favorite people in the world, Kelsey, gave us the gift of a newborn photo shoot. When Isaac was only 12 days old, Natalie Champa Jennings came to my mother-in-law's house and worked her magic! Lexie (Isaac's birth mom), her parents, and her nieces were a part of that day as well.

We debated whether or not to invite Lexie. Was it too soon? Our hospital goodbyes were still fresh in my mind... would seeing Isaac rip apart open wounds? I spoke with our adoption counselor, and she encouraged me to ask Lexie directly. Since Lexie and I had been in close contact since Isaac's birth, this seemed natural. Turns out, she was over the moon about the chance to see Isaac. I still worried that it was too soon and Lexie would hurt afterwards. In the end, it was a very positive experience. From everything I heard from Lexie and her family afterwards, it seems as though it was wonderful for Lexie, too.

Second visit: Restaurant

Our second visit was at a favorite haunt of Lexie's family. Technically I suppose it's more of a bar than a restaurant, but "bar" and "infant" don't sound quite right together... =) It was great. A whole crew was there; Lexie, her parents, grandparents, aunt and uncle, nieces, and us, of course. We participated in a meat raffle, had the greatest cinnamon roll of all time, and Lexie's family got in lots of cuddle time. Isaac was still so young... he slept most of the time and snuggled right in to whomever was holding him.

Third visit: Chuck E. Cheese

We picked Chuck E. Cheese, not for Isaac (he was only 4 months old, for goodness sake!), but for Lexie's nieces. Lexie, her parents, grandparents, and nieces came to this visit. The girls played game after game and gorged themselves on pizza. It was the perfect meeting place. Close to our house (so Isaac could nap in his bed both pre- and post-visit), entertaining for his cousins, and quiet at 11 am. Since this was a December visit, Christmas gifts were exchanged. Lexie gave Isaac a book from Hallmark, read by her recorded voice. It's called "All the Ways I Love You." Thinking about it now still makes me tear up. What a perfect gift. We read it almost every night and Isaac loves it. When he was younger, he stroked his hair every time he heard her voice, which was a gesture he reserved for the comforting moments of drinking his bottle. Those are the only two times I ever saw him exhibit this endearing behavior.

Fourth visit: Baptism

As far as visits go, this was much less satisfying. It was a busy day that involved getting dressed up, attending a packed church service, being surrounded by a gaggle of family members, and going out for brunch at a table that stretched almost the entire length of the restaurant. I am so thankful that Lexie was able to be a part of this day, but I remember very little about her interactions with Isaac. To be honest, I don't think she was able to have many. One thing that stands out, however, is that Isaac's birth father was at the church service. We have many cute pictures of him with Isaac from that day, but I don't feel comfortable posting them since I have never asked his permission.

Fifth visit: Library

Our most recent visit was at our local library. Sounds weird, but it was a perfect locale for a Minnesotan baby of 9 months. Since Isaac was getting around on his own by this time (albeit in a funny looking way... he was a champion roller and could adjust his angle to roll wherever he wanted to go), Isaac would have had less patience with a standard restaurant visit. But, Minnesota weather did not permit an outdoor park visit, so... what do we do? Well, our city recently built a brand new library with toys for kids to explore and reservable meeting rooms. I reserved a room and we met Lexie and her parents at, yes, the library. They played with Isaac at the toys for awhile and then we went in to the meeting room where there were couches and plenty of floor room for Isaac to do his thing. It was fun to see him smiling and flirting with them.

Sixth visit: Como Zoo

Sadly, we forgot our camera on this visit. I was so proud of myself for remembering sun screen, sippy cup, lunch paraphernalia, etc... Our camera was the only casualty. Lexie, her parents, and nieces, joined us at the extremely crowded Como Zoo in St. Paul. Parking was the biggest challenge, but it was smooth sailing after that. We ate at a table outside, enjoyed the beautiful weather, and they had a chance to see Isaac doing big boy things like feeding himself finger foods. We brought the stroller, but Isaac was passed from person to person for most of the visit anyway =)

Seventh visit: Scheduled for early July at a park (hopefully it won't be raining). Isaac's birth father is planning to be there.

Although our original contact agreement dictated 3 visits a year, Isaac came to us from such loving and open people that we have been able to do more. More about our thoughts on open adoption (particularly this open adoption) later. Tired.

Just a Few Things I Love About Isaac

*His curly hair. Pictures do not do this curly head justice. It's adorable.

*He sleeps with both arms thrown over his head. Sometimes one little hand rests on his eyes. Makes me melt.

*Isaac has begun sharing his most prized possessions with others. (Usually something we really want like a dripping Nuk or mushy puff that has already been in his mouth) When you say "Thank you!" he giggles, looks away shyly, and looks so darn proud of himself!

*His sense of humor. If I am turned away from Isaac and he wants to make me laugh, he either shrieks extremely loudly (if you've met him, you know exactly what I mean) or does a fakey giggle. When I look at him, his eyes twinkle and he does it again. And again. And again. And again.

*When he hears people clapping on TV, he claps too. =)

*His deep curiosity of all things adult. If you give him something that is plush, painted in primary colors, or sold in any store with the words "R Us" in it... he can take it or leave it. He does have some favorite toys that are, in fact, meant to be toys. HOWEVER. If you give him something with screws and springs and levers, he's in heaven.

*Isaac loves being outside. When we come home at the end of the day, I always let Cody out. If I have Isaac in my arms, he throws a huge fit if I close the door when I'm done. We HAVE TO go outside and throw the ball for Cody, play in the grass, or just sit on the deck and pick at the screws in the wood.

*When Isaac hears something he likes and he wants it to keep going, he says "Uh." If you do the thing again, he'll say "uh." This can go on indefinitely. If he really likes what you're doing, he'll say "Uh. Uh. Uh! UH UH UH UH UH UH!"

Learning

If you don't already know this, I'm an early childhood special education teacher. I work with a wide variety of kids, all of whom need extra support of some kind to be successful at school, in the community, etc.

Last Friday, one of my students looked at me and said something that made me very proud of him. This one little phrase demonstrated many of the skills he has developed over the past year. Here are just a few:

1. Using language to comment on his environment

2. Using a descriptor word

3. Demonstrating an understanding of an early mathematical concept (big vs. little)

4. Identification of body parts

What did he say? Well, he pointed at me and said "Big nose!" Other people have commented on my nose before, but I can't say I've ever been this happy about it... =)

How to ride a bike

Looking forward to the day I can teach Isaac how to ride a bike... hopefully it goes better than this.

- Jonathan

Three Words

I can't blog-nore Mother's Day. (Hey, I just made that up! Get it? Like ignore, but ignore on a blog. Gosh I'm such a dork.)

And I don't want to ignore it. Quite the opposite, actually. I want to talk about how it's my first mother's day, about Isaac's other mommy, about my mom, my husband's mom, my mommy friends, those who are anxiously waiting to become a mom... etc, etc. I don't know where to start!

After sitting here and staring at the screen for much too long, I've decided to say three words about each.

My first mother's day: Blissful and bittersweet.

Isaac's birth mom, Lexie: Wishing her peace.

My mom: There for me.

My husband's mom: Raised wonderful man.

My friends that are mommies: Supported by you.

Those who are still waiting for their baby: Waiting sucks a@#

(especially on Mother's Day)

Nursery Rhymes

My mother-in-law recently gave me a copy of "The Real Mother Goose." She warned me that the book contains the original versions of the nursery rhymes and some are not exactly what a child should hear before bed. Or ever.

Here are a few of my favorites.

Goosey Goosey Gander

Goosey, goosey, gander,

Whither dost though wander?

Upstairs and downstairs

And in my lady's chamber.

There I met an old man

Who wouldn't say his prayers;

I took him by the left leg,

And threw him down the stairs.

WHAT?! Threw him down the stairs? Seems a little harsh, don't you think? My favorite part is how they specify which leg this poor man was grabbed by. I can picture the author hunched over his desk in the candlelight, scribbling out the word "right" with his quill pen and muttering, "Left. Yes, yes. It was definitely the left."

And then there's this one. The one they liked so much, they published it on the back cover of the book.

Ladybird

Ladybird, ladybird, fly away home!

Your house is on fire, your children all gone,

All but one, and her name is Ann,

And she crept under the pudding pan.

Sweet dreams kids! Dream of homes and nests destroyed by fire and lonely starving children wandering the streets. Oh, and don't forget about Ann who is trapped beneath a pudding pan and probably about to die from smoke inhalation. Night night!

This book will probably get "lost" before Isaac is old enough to read and/or question why some of the rhymes end differently each time...!

Catch Up

Since I was MIA for about five months, you missed out on some cute Isaac pictures. Here are some of the fun things we've done since late October.

Isaac as Charlie Brown for Halloween.

At Grandma and Grandpa's house for Thanksgiving

Helping Daddy and Mommy beat Grandma and Grandpa at euchre

The finalization of Isaac's adoption! We joked that this better be the last time he winds up in court.

Meeting Santa for the first time!

Hanging out with his buddy Drew at our friend's cabin

Jonathan's got his hands full =)

First swim!!

Baptism

Lounging in the hotel bed during our trip to California

Family pic in Sausalito, CA

Another California picture! (You can tell by the green grass...)

We visited the U of MN campus and took Isaac to the site of our first date, Annie's Parlor. We were trying to take a self portrait with Annie's sign in the background... but all we got was the "s" and the bottom of the "e." Oh well.

At Como Zoo. It's hard to read, but Isaac is conveniently posing by a mural that says "My first trip to the rainforest."

It was impossible for me to get Isaac AND the animals in the picture, so you'll have to trust me when I say that he was in awe of some very tall giraffes.

At the dog park. Yes, we still try to pay attention to Cody every now and then.

Meeting our new little friend, Owen!!

And, just for fun, putting a baby in a diaper box.

Meant To Be

There are times in life when it's hard to swallow the old adage "everything happens for a reason." When your life has been turned upside down and you're in the middle of dark days with no end in sight... "everything happens for a reason" can be the last thing you want to hear.

The story I want to share is not like that at all. This is one of the happy, gives-you-goosebumps kind of stories. An instance where it's easy to believe that everything happens for a reason.

When Isaac was born, we spent almost every waking minute (and some sleeping ones) in the hospital. Lexie wanted it that way. I couldn't believe it, in fact. I kept looking for hints or subtle cues that she wanted some alone time with Isaac, or that she was feeling resentful of our presence... nothing. She kept saying over and over that we are his parents and we should be there. Lexie even encouraged us to invite friends and family to meet Isaac. Her selflessness floored me. I know for a fact that if I were in her position, I would not be able to be as open and welcoming as she was. Anyway. I digress.

At one point, a nurse came into Lexie's room and asked us for the name of Isaac's future pediatrician. I gave her the name of a doctor with whom I had scheduled a quick "meet and greet" appointment just days ago. (The agency had suggested we find a pediatrician before baby came home, so I blindly chose a pediatric clinic and took the earliest appointment with the first available doctor. )

When I told the nurse that the doctor's name was Dr. Richardson, Lexie said, "That's funny. My pediatrician when I was little was a Dr. Richardson." Suddenly I remembered a conversation that the doctor and I had during our meet and greet. When I told him what hospital the baby would be delivered at, he lit up and sang it's praises. Dr. Richardson said he used to do rounds there when he worked at a nearby clinic. A clinic in a town an hour away from where we live and where he currently practices medicine.

A clinic in the town that Lexie grew up in.

Later that day, Lexie asked her mom if she remembered Dr, Richardson's first name. It's an uncommon one, so she did remember it. Sure enough, Lexie's childhood doctor and the pediatrician we randomly chose for Isaac are one and the same.

Does everything happen for a reason? I don't know. Did the road of infertility lead us to a little boy that is obviously meant to be a part of our family? Sure did.

My Wine Rack Has Been Repurposed

It is now a drying rack for bibs. =)

Hmmm

Thanks to longer days, warmer weather, and an older baby that doesn't need an evening nap (correction: doesn't TAKE an evening nap), we manage to get to the dog park a bit more these days. Thursday was gorgeous, so Isaac, Cody, and I loaded into the Rav4 after work and headed to the park. I caught up with a mom about my age pushing her toddler in a stroller and we ended up walking together and chatting. She's pregnant with her second child, so when the conversation turned to pregnancy, labor, etc, it came up that we adopted Isaac. She says "Oh! I really want a girl, so if this baby isn't a girl, then I want to adopt to make SURE that we get a girl."

Sigh.

We were having such a nice conversation. Why'd she have to say something like that? The comment irritated me then and irritates me now, even though I keep trying to remind myself, it's just her ignorance talking. She hasn't had any exposure to adoption. It was a completely innocent comment with no harm meant. But still! To make it sound like adoption is the equivalent of standing at the meat counter, scanning the pork chops for the perfect cut, and telling the butcher "I'd like that one please."

She just doesn't know. She doesn't know and how do I explain the complexities... the heart-break of taking your baby away from the only person he's ever known, the indescribable joy of suddenly being a mommy, the way you thank God every day for bringing your baby's birth family into your life, the relationship building and maintenance with your baby's birth family... So I don't. Because it's just a conversation at the dog park.

8 Favorite Things at 8 Months

I had so much fun writing this post that I thought I'd write another!

Here are the things we are loving these days:

1. Pacifier clip. Isaac still loves his Nuk, and this is indispensable in the car. If he drops his Nuk, I can reach back and blindly follow the clip to the pacifier and pop it right back in.

2. Ladybug night light. A few weeks ago, we started seeing some toddler-style tantrums any time Isaac realized it was bed or nap time. This night light that shines constellations on the ceiling worked miracles!

3. Plastic bibs with pockets. Although the pocket can be a bit bulky and irritating at times, it has definitely caught ounces of water that would have ended up in Isaac's lap.

4. Bath toys with holes. Isaac likes to drink from anything that even remotely looks like a cup, so bath toys with holes are a must! He can still pretend to drink, but doesn't get any grimy water in that cute mouth of his.

5. Nesting balls. LOVE THESE! Isaac is currently into holding one in each hand and banging them together...

6. Dish gloves. Eight plus months of washing bottles can wreak havoc on Minnesota winter skin!

7. Round laundry basket. Isaac loves to sit in our round laundry basket. He examines the holes, plays with toys we throw in, and grabs the edges and goes crazy.

8. Free exercise videos On Demand. Pre-Isaac, I used to belong to a fitness club, and went regularly (gotta get the insurance discount!). Since I've gone back to work, I simply don't have the time to drive to the gym, change, work out, change, and drive home. I was excited to find that our cable company offers FREE exercise videos On Demand! They even have some 10 minute workouts that leave me sore the next day. Pretty cool. And FREE!