We're not in a 1980's after-school special anymore, folks!

You know the type. A fifteen year old boy is doing something wholesome like playing tiddlywinks in the attic when he stumbles upon a tattered birth certificate with his birthday... but someone else's name! His life is turned upside down as he sets out on his quest for The Truth.

From everything I have read, it seems that domestic infant adoption has radically changed over the past 30 years. Most adoptions prior to the 80s were "closed." An adoptive family brought a new baby home and there was no contact with the birth family, either before or after the birth. This was standard. Some families (like the one in our after-school special) waited until their children were older to tell them that they were adopted.

Although there may still be adoptions like this happening, it is no longer the norm. Most domestic infant adoptions today are considered somewhere along the "open" spectrum. This could mean anything from sending the birth family pictures and updates twice a year to spending Christmases together! Each situation is unique because it depends on so many variables. It's up to the birth family and adoptive family to decide what works for them.

Adoption will be a part of our child's life story! We want our child to know everything about how he or she came to be a part of our family. If the stars align and our adoption goes the way we hope, we would love for our child to grow up knowing his or her birth family. A person can never have too many people that love them. =)

Public Service Announcement

If somebody looks tired, don't mention it. Don't say, "Becky, do you need some caffeine?" or "Long day, Becky?"

Because Becky might think that she looks just fine until she hears this.

(By the way, I blame the Olympics!! I just get sucked in and can't go to bed.)

Parent Panel

Last week, Jonathan and I attended a “Parent Panel” at our agency. Going into it, all we knew was that adoptive parents were going to share their experiences with us. The meeting began at 7:00 pm on a work night and was held in our agency’s downtown office, which is always tricky. Come home early, exercise the dog, fix something to eat, shovel it in as we’re driving, navigate unfamiliar downtownishness, etc, etc. It was a group training and I must admit that I fully expected to sit in the back and zone out if I needed to. Yes, sometimes I do that.

But WOW. It was amazing. I can’t describe the feeling that I left with, so I shouldn’t even try. But I will anyway. “Intimate” is the word that comes to mind, and I know that sounds weird. For an hour and forty-five minutes, we got to re-live the most intense experiences of these people’s lives with them and intimate is exactly what it was.

It turned out that the panel consisted of one adoptive parent and one birth parent. The adoptive parent has two children and went through three adoptions, one of which "failed." (After developing an adoption plan and choosing a family for her baby, the birth mom decided to parent after the baby was born) Her stories were emotional- exciting, nerve-wracking, heart-breaking... everything you can think of. It was especially powerful for us because we could imagine ourselves in those situations. However, it was meeting the girl that is a birth mom that was invaluable. As she spoke, the intimidation factor of "The Birth Parent" melted away. She is an ambitious, smart, and funny girl. She plays rugby in college. She has boy trouble. She brought pictures of her daughter and spoke proudly of all the things the baby is doing at only 2 months old.

Over here on the "prospective adoptive parent" side of things, it's easy to feel like birth parents are these mystical beings that hold your fate in their hands. (One day, a Birth Parent will find you and your life will be magically transformed!) It was great to talk and laugh with this girl, find out about her future plans, and get to know her a little bit--even if it was just for a couple of hours. I know every person is different, every situation is different, everyone has different feelings, etc, etc. This girl doesn't represent every birth mom in the world. But it sure was nice to meet her. =)

Creepy Man Babies

Bear rug

Becky, can we get one of these? It would look great in our living room.