A Family of Three

July 23, 2010, my heart was in my throat as we said goodbye to Isaac's birth family and drove away from the hospital as a family of three. Today, he's sitting in his high chair, gobbling up fajita meat, pointing at Cody and saying "Gog." How in the world did we get from there to here so quickly?!

Because Isaac joined our family in such a whirlwind-ish manner, I never sat down and recorded all the details that made his birth and hospital stay so unforgettable. This post gives the nuts and bolts, but doesn't even begin to describe what it was really like.

Now seems the perfect time.

(Disclaimer: this walk down memory lane is very, very long. It was fun for me to write, but probably not as fun for you to read, so if you don't make it all the way through, I completely understand.)

I remember:

* pulling into the hospital parking lot and seeing Lexie's parents walking outside. They were holding hands and everything about them said, "Whatever this day brings, we will get through it together."

* rounding the corner into Lexie's room and seeing her standing there in her dressing gown, looking much, much more pregnant than she had just a few days before.

* Jonathan making lots and lots of trips to the coffee machine.

* Lexie's blue lips and violent shivers from the epidural. I felt helpless and awkward and so sorry that she was uncomfortable.

* every inch of the waiting room.

* ordering pizza to share with Lexie's parents and grandparents. Labor had slowed and we weren't sure when the little guy was going to come out. Turns out we ate as Lexie was having her emergency c-section.

* losing my appetite and getting a sick feeling in my stomach as I watched the clock. The doctor had said the c-section would take 20 minutes. Why had it already been 40?

* walking to the nurse's station to ask for an update. They stopped talking when I approached. They told me that the baby was "out," but they seemed reserved and told me no more.

* the sinking feeling when the nurse came in and said there were complications and the baby was in the NICU. When I asked if he was all right, she hesitated and said, "I will let the doctor explain."

* pacing the hallway in the NICU as the nurses tried for 45 minutes to find a vein they could use to replenish his fluids. The huge wave of relief when their "one last try" actually worked.

* seeing another family with blankets and pillows camped out in the NICU waiting room. It looked like they were old pros. My heart broke for them.

* the nurse asking me what formula we were planning to give him. Uhhhh. Hadn't thought about that. She recommended Enfamil or Similac. I said, if it's all the same, how about Enfamil since we have coupons for it at home.

* a nurse stopping by to admire Isaac and asking me his name. There is something special about the first time you tell your child's name to someone. It's real now. He's here and he has this name that we gave him.

* holding my son (my son!) until midnight and making the very difficult decision to go home and get some sleep while he was being extremely well cared for by the NICU nurses.

* stopping at Cub foods on the way to the hospital (what else is open at 5:30 in the morning?) and wondering, what do you get for the woman who has just spent an entire day in unspeakable pain, birthing your child?

* Lexie, in her wheelchair, holding Isaac for the first time. I knew right then that I not only loved him, but her too.

* waiting and waiting and waiting for Isaac to pee for the first time. He waited until the very end of the "normal range" they gave us.

* thinking that the hospital should use better fabric softener for their baby blankets.

* having to request a pacifier. (I thought they just gave you those greenish newborn ones...) The nurse brought out a Nuk brand pacifier, still in it's plastic and cardboard packaging from the store. We've been single-handedly supporting that company ever since.

* wondering whether we should refer to the baby as "Isaac" (the name we chose for him) or "Jacob" (the name Lexie gave him). We couldn't decide, so Isaac was "him," "the baby," "the little guy," etc. for three days. =)

* one time in particular when Lexie and I were alone in the hospital room for awhile. That was a special hour for me; I felt like I was really beginning to get to know her.

* driving alone to the hospital one morning (Jonathan went back to work so he could save his time off for when we were home) and pulling over on a dirt road between two corn fields because I felt like I was going to throw up. Even though I felt like I was coping well with the stress and excitement, my body gave me away.

* trying to go out to eat somewhere during Isaac's last night in the hospital. We wanted to give Lexie some time alone with him before he spent the night with us. However, it was late, and the only places open were bars that didn't serve food! We ended up sitting in a dark parking lot eating McDonald's and killing time.

* sitting down in the room the hospital let us use on Isaac's last night, looking at him all swaddled up and asleep in his bassinet, and wondering.... now what? We mostly just stared at him.

* "waking up" (only I don't think I was ever asleep) every 10 minutes or so to make sure the swaddle hadn't come loose and suffocated him.

* Jonathan and I waking up the next morning with the same heavy feeling in the pit of our stomach. Time for Isaac to go home. Our happiest day was going to be one of Lexie's saddest.

* going to Target because we forgot to bring clothes to take the baby home in!! It suddenly occurred to me that he can't go in the car seat swaddled and I don't think he should just wear the diaper and cotton shirts he's lived in for the past three days... I felt like such an idiot.

* tears, tears, and more tears as Lexie said good-bye and left the hospital. It was as heartbreaking as we had imagined. How could we take Isaac away from the one person who had loved and taken care of him for over 9 months?

* how Isaac's eyes grew ten sizes larger as we brought him into the great outdoors for the first time and loaded him into the car. He had this look on his face like "What. The. Hell."

* saying to Jonathan as we drove home, "So. There's a baby in our car..."

One Year Ago

One year ago today, Jonathan and I innocently thought we were headed north for a plain old camping trip. We had no clue that our lives were about about to change forever. (Yes, I know that sounds dramatic, but yes, it WAS dramatic!)

It was probably around 10 or 11 am when my phone rang and our adoption counselor said "You're going to want to pull over..."

What do I remember about that day? I remember the parking space we chose at the gas station we stopped at while I spoke with our adoption counselor. I remember the numb, tamped-down excitement, out-of-body feeling I had when we told our friends why we weren't setting up our tent. I remember standing on the lakeside trail, dialing Lexie's number for the first time. I remember Jonathan pacing back and forth on the dock, calling his mom with the news. I remember watching a little family flip their canoe and fall in the lake while we were standing there, taking turns calling our parents. I remember thinking, "Pay attention to everything, because this could be the beginning of your baby's adoption story." And it was.

These past few weeks have left me feeling very sentimental as Isaac's one year birthday approaches. Please forgive me if the next few posts are particularly sappy.

UP, here we come!

Two days after school was out, we packed up the car until it was bursting at the seams and headed to Upper Michigan for 7 days! It was a wonderful week filled with family, friends, and Lake Superior. I'll let the pictures do the talking...

A picnic at the park while Grandma and Grandpa are stuck at work

What? These CDs were here, I swear.

Family picture. Isaac was too fascinated by the sand to be bothered with pictures.

Grandma, you are so funny!

First time in Lake Superior!

Ooooooohhh! SAND!

I think he likes the view.

Napping peacefully in the tent.

Hanging out with Uncle Marc!

Who wants a kiss?

Playing with Anders, Kenzie, and Auntie Melissa! Miss you guys!

Kenzie enjoying her much-anticipated s'more!

An attempt at a picture of the kiddos

And another...

And another. (Don't worry, Isaac didn't fall off the swing.)

Sweet boy, tuckered out.

Visits With Isaac's Birth Family

First visit: Photo shoot

Isaac's godmother and one of my favorite people in the world, Kelsey, gave us the gift of a newborn photo shoot. When Isaac was only 12 days old, Natalie Champa Jennings came to my mother-in-law's house and worked her magic! Lexie (Isaac's birth mom), her parents, and her nieces were a part of that day as well.

We debated whether or not to invite Lexie. Was it too soon? Our hospital goodbyes were still fresh in my mind... would seeing Isaac rip apart open wounds? I spoke with our adoption counselor, and she encouraged me to ask Lexie directly. Since Lexie and I had been in close contact since Isaac's birth, this seemed natural. Turns out, she was over the moon about the chance to see Isaac. I still worried that it was too soon and Lexie would hurt afterwards. In the end, it was a very positive experience. From everything I heard from Lexie and her family afterwards, it seems as though it was wonderful for Lexie, too.

Second visit: Restaurant

Our second visit was at a favorite haunt of Lexie's family. Technically I suppose it's more of a bar than a restaurant, but "bar" and "infant" don't sound quite right together... =) It was great. A whole crew was there; Lexie, her parents, grandparents, aunt and uncle, nieces, and us, of course. We participated in a meat raffle, had the greatest cinnamon roll of all time, and Lexie's family got in lots of cuddle time. Isaac was still so young... he slept most of the time and snuggled right in to whomever was holding him.

Third visit: Chuck E. Cheese

We picked Chuck E. Cheese, not for Isaac (he was only 4 months old, for goodness sake!), but for Lexie's nieces. Lexie, her parents, grandparents, and nieces came to this visit. The girls played game after game and gorged themselves on pizza. It was the perfect meeting place. Close to our house (so Isaac could nap in his bed both pre- and post-visit), entertaining for his cousins, and quiet at 11 am. Since this was a December visit, Christmas gifts were exchanged. Lexie gave Isaac a book from Hallmark, read by her recorded voice. It's called "All the Ways I Love You." Thinking about it now still makes me tear up. What a perfect gift. We read it almost every night and Isaac loves it. When he was younger, he stroked his hair every time he heard her voice, which was a gesture he reserved for the comforting moments of drinking his bottle. Those are the only two times I ever saw him exhibit this endearing behavior.

Fourth visit: Baptism

As far as visits go, this was much less satisfying. It was a busy day that involved getting dressed up, attending a packed church service, being surrounded by a gaggle of family members, and going out for brunch at a table that stretched almost the entire length of the restaurant. I am so thankful that Lexie was able to be a part of this day, but I remember very little about her interactions with Isaac. To be honest, I don't think she was able to have many. One thing that stands out, however, is that Isaac's birth father was at the church service. We have many cute pictures of him with Isaac from that day, but I don't feel comfortable posting them since I have never asked his permission.

Fifth visit: Library

Our most recent visit was at our local library. Sounds weird, but it was a perfect locale for a Minnesotan baby of 9 months. Since Isaac was getting around on his own by this time (albeit in a funny looking way... he was a champion roller and could adjust his angle to roll wherever he wanted to go), Isaac would have had less patience with a standard restaurant visit. But, Minnesota weather did not permit an outdoor park visit, so... what do we do? Well, our city recently built a brand new library with toys for kids to explore and reservable meeting rooms. I reserved a room and we met Lexie and her parents at, yes, the library. They played with Isaac at the toys for awhile and then we went in to the meeting room where there were couches and plenty of floor room for Isaac to do his thing. It was fun to see him smiling and flirting with them.

Sixth visit: Como Zoo

Sadly, we forgot our camera on this visit. I was so proud of myself for remembering sun screen, sippy cup, lunch paraphernalia, etc... Our camera was the only casualty. Lexie, her parents, and nieces, joined us at the extremely crowded Como Zoo in St. Paul. Parking was the biggest challenge, but it was smooth sailing after that. We ate at a table outside, enjoyed the beautiful weather, and they had a chance to see Isaac doing big boy things like feeding himself finger foods. We brought the stroller, but Isaac was passed from person to person for most of the visit anyway =)

Seventh visit: Scheduled for early July at a park (hopefully it won't be raining). Isaac's birth father is planning to be there.

Although our original contact agreement dictated 3 visits a year, Isaac came to us from such loving and open people that we have been able to do more. More about our thoughts on open adoption (particularly this open adoption) later. Tired.

Just a Few Things I Love About Isaac

*His curly hair. Pictures do not do this curly head justice. It's adorable.

*He sleeps with both arms thrown over his head. Sometimes one little hand rests on his eyes. Makes me melt.

*Isaac has begun sharing his most prized possessions with others. (Usually something we really want like a dripping Nuk or mushy puff that has already been in his mouth) When you say "Thank you!" he giggles, looks away shyly, and looks so darn proud of himself!

*His sense of humor. If I am turned away from Isaac and he wants to make me laugh, he either shrieks extremely loudly (if you've met him, you know exactly what I mean) or does a fakey giggle. When I look at him, his eyes twinkle and he does it again. And again. And again. And again.

*When he hears people clapping on TV, he claps too. =)

*His deep curiosity of all things adult. If you give him something that is plush, painted in primary colors, or sold in any store with the words "R Us" in it... he can take it or leave it. He does have some favorite toys that are, in fact, meant to be toys. HOWEVER. If you give him something with screws and springs and levers, he's in heaven.

*Isaac loves being outside. When we come home at the end of the day, I always let Cody out. If I have Isaac in my arms, he throws a huge fit if I close the door when I'm done. We HAVE TO go outside and throw the ball for Cody, play in the grass, or just sit on the deck and pick at the screws in the wood.

*When Isaac hears something he likes and he wants it to keep going, he says "Uh." If you do the thing again, he'll say "uh." This can go on indefinitely. If he really likes what you're doing, he'll say "Uh. Uh. Uh! UH UH UH UH UH UH!"